Let go...

Today a quick post about letting go.

Sometimes you have to let go. It is hard, but gets better with time. And "letting go" ends up being beneficial to you in the short and long run.

Anyway, here is a poem by author unknown:

Let Go - Unknown

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.

To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.

To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.

To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about.

To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their destinies.

To "let go" is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.

To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept.

To "let go" is not to nag, scold, or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To "let go" is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes, and cherish myself in it.

To "let go" is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To "let go" is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To “let go” is not to lose power, but to be open to the power within.

To "let go" is to fear less, and love more."

Do it today, let go...

Have a brilliant day.

Speak soon,

Paulo

Cravings...

One of the biggest challenges that my Physical Excellence Coaching clients have is controlling their cravings. Some of them crave chocolates or donuts, others crave crisps or pizzas, but they all have a hard time controlling these cravings. They start by trying to ignore it, to put it out of their minds and forget about it.

The problem about that, is that the more you try to ignore something, the more you think off it! This is to do with how your subconscious processes thoughts. Your subconscious mind is one of the most powerful "tools" for your success in achieving your goals and you need to learn how to use it.

But it is a flawed tool though.

And the good news is that you can use this flaw to your advantage. You see the subconscious mind, can not differentiate between reality and imagination, and the negative words are not processed at all. You can use the inability to differentiate between reality and imagination to your advantage by constantly visualising yourself the way you want to be and because of that your subconscious will "see it" as reality.

Therefore the more you see yourself with a 6-pack the more your mind believes it as true and will continuously "instruct" your body to achieve that 6-pack thus acting as if you have the 6-pack already! Hence the reason I advise you to not only be positive in your goals but also to do every thing at your disposal to continuously remember it, using vision boards, reading it out loud, doing mind movies, whatever is at your disposal.

How about the other flaw?

Well as your subconscious doesn't really process the negatives, when you say to yourself, "I can't have that chocolate bar" or "I don't want that packet of crisps" what your subconscious is actually hearing is "I can have that chocolate bar" and "I want that packet of crisps" and the more and more it hears this, the more it will want it and crave it and eventually your conscious mind will succumb to it!

So what should you do?

The advice I give my clients and indeed I follow myself is to use the following simple 3 step process:

1 - Acknowledge your craving

You want a chocolate bar. Acknowledge that is what you want and feel like eating. Don't even attempt to forget about it!

2 - Analyse the craving against your goal

If your chocolate bar has 200 calories, and if you eat it, how much more miles do you have to run or how many more hours do you need to lift weights to burn that extra bar of chocolate? Compare the bar of chocolate against your 6-pack. See your perfect body in your mind and how further away from it are you if you eat the chocolate bar.

3 - Decide if fulfilling the craving is worth it

Make your decision, you know by now what the consequences of eating that chocolate are. Are they really worth it? Is the 30 seconds of eating the bar worth the extra 1 or 2 hours you have to spend in the gym that day, just to burn the extra calories that you fed your body with?

By following this process

You will deal with your craving and not even be tempted to fulfill it due to the extra perceived pain you will suffer to achieve your goal. The first time you do this process it might take a minute or more to deal with it, but with time this process will be so quick that you will deal with your cravings almost instantly.

You can use this process with all your craving, physical and emotional ones. Simply acknowledge it, compare it to your goal and make the decision. Simple!

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

I can't change you!

Have you ever had one of those argh moments where you wished you could change someone else? It probably was your partner or your kids or a close friend. I bet you did, I have had many of those moments myself. Where someone's actions, or lack off, or words, really infuriated me and I wished they would change so that they could do what they wanted or dreamed off.

And then you tell them they need to change...

At that time, you probably have actually told them that they had to change because the way they were or are, is not the right atittude to have or be. I also bet that your words or actions had little or no effect on them or what they did about their life.

Am I right? Well the reason behind all that is that I can't really change anyone else or indeed you. No one can change you. Only you can change! The best way I can describe this is being using the example of a celebrity addicted to some kind of destructive substance.

Is it time for you to go into "rehab"?

Have you ever noticed that when you hear that Celebrity X went into rehab, that the only time that said Celebrity does kick his or her habit is when they themselves want to do it? If it was their PR, manager, family or friends that "forced" them to go into rehab, they, soon or later, end up using again?

That is because they didn't wanted to change or saw any reason to change. If they are not prepared to go through the trials and tribulations of actually undergo change they will not do it. They will sabotage themselves along the way because in their own subconscious they don't want to change!

Pain and pleasure

As I mentioned before in these pages, most of our life is governed by the pain and pleasure principle, I would even venture to say that all that we do in life is about pain and pleasure. Actually is more about the perceived pain and the perceived pleasure!

What do I mean by perceived?

Well when you are about to undergo change, you are in a state of pain, and you know already that you need to change. Now to achieve change you know in your mind all the perceived pain that will come your way, but if you also already know the great pleasure that is expecting you at the end of the process.

You will change when the perceived pleasure at the end of the process is so much greater than the perceived pain you will endure during the process that is worth while! When you are "forced" into a change process, then you only perceive the pain and don't really see the pleasure that might come into your life, so you will not put yourself into a position of strength and positive mindeset to actually undergo the process.

You will have thoughts what is the point of it all? Why am I doing this? And so on and so forth. So if you see yourself in a position that you feel that you need to change someone else, do not attempt to force that change. Instead talk to him or her to understand if they really feel that they need to change.

Do they really need to change?

If they admit it to you and are really sure about it, they will soon embark on that change and then you can become part of their support team. If they don't then you need to understand what they are saying and leave them be to make their own decision. You then need to decide how will that affect your life, and if you are to continue to be part of their life.

Why do you want them to change?

The other aspect that you need to address, is why do you want them to change? Are you trying to change someone for your benefit or for their benefit? If it is to fit into your life, then you are not being a good friend, because you are trying to mould them to you, rather than look for their wellbeing.

If they changed since you know them and are now a different person and that is destructive for them, then your support and concern is justifiable, but if they changed and they are happy with who they are, then you are the one that either has to change or step away from them.

You have the power...

You have the power to change the most important person in your life, yourself!!! Use your power to make changes in your life or within you for your benefit and you will not only achieve your goals but also you will be completely and truly happy!

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

Who do you have around you?

Who is your support group? Who are these people and how much support to do they provide you? These people can be crucial for your success or failure, not only in your goal but also in your life in general! Yesterday during a session with one of my clients we discussed how important the ones around you can be.

Why are they so important?

You see these people hold a certain degree of power with you. Their comments and their actions can, and will, affect your motivation and will to succeed. When you sit down with your closest friends and tell them what your plans are, how do they react?

Are they quick to criticise, diminish your capabilities or even say things like "that is a really great goal but you will never be able to" or "do you really think you can do that?".

Or are they completely and utter supportive of you and completely believe in you? Well if they don't sincerely give you their support then they are not the right people to have around you. If they don't do this then it is time for you to make a very important and sometimes difficult decision. Are you keeping them close by or are you letting them go?

They don't want you to succeed...

You see people can be envious and jealous of what you are looking to achieve. They might be scared that once you reach there, they will no longer fit into your life and lifestyle. They will also think that the focus of your relationship with them will stop being about them and instead your successes will be in their mind.

So, consciously or subconsciously, they will sabotage your efforts, with their words or actions, so you don't achieve your goals or you give up on your dreams. If you do that, they will the first ones there to comfort you and tell you that "the dream was too big" or "it wasn't meant to happen" or "don't worry about it, you still have me"!

You know who they are...

When I was discussing this with my client, it hit a nerve and immediately my client knew exactly who amongst its friends or colleagues fit that description. And I admit it, it is a daunting task, knowing that in order to succeed in your goal, there will be some negative consequences of you actually achieving your goal.

This kind of people, might even be supportive to your face, but behind your back will either tell others that you will never be able to do it or even do things to distract you from your goals. They can be emotionally draining for you or get you to ran around in circles to help them. Like when I spoke with my client, I bet that you know at this point who amongst your circle of friends or associates fits that description.

Their friends are a reflection of you...

There is a Portuguese saying that describes this perfectly "Tell me who your friends are and I tell you who you are!". I am sure that there is an equal saying in English and probably in every language. So look around to who is around you. If they don't believe in you, or they criticise what you do, to your face or behind your back, or they drain you both physically and emotionally with their requests or inaptitude to do something, then it is time to move away from them.

I have done that throughout my life, and will continue to do so, when someone does not wholeheartdly believes in me or my plans then it is a question of "thank you very much but I will have to let you go".

Let them go, before they bring you down!

Naturally through life you do that, from my childhood for example, there is only one person that still remains, to this day as close to my heart and as supportive since day one! All the others have "disappeared" from my life.

Now you might argue that is because life took you in separate directions, but if they really were that important for your future life and plans they would have stuck around you, and you around them.

So what should you do at this stage?

Well don't go rushing to judgements and decide on the spot who to get rid off. Simply approach your friends and associates individually and tell them all your plans and wait for their reaction and as well their actions within the next week or so. From their behaviour, comments and actions you will soon know their "true colours" and then you can make your decision.

Support, support, support...

Surround yourself with the right people for you and you will succeed! You want people that not only give you the support but also remind you, when you are feeling down, why you are doing all this and how much you want that goal. They will congratulate you on your successes and help to get you back on track on your failures, and give you that proverbial "kick in the back side" when they know you are failing yourself!!!

Get a fantastic support group around you, find people that have done it before and ask for their support, they don't necessarily have to do anything physical to help, just hearing or reading their words will suffice you! Go on, go after your dream!!!

Have a brilliant day.

Speak soon,

Paulo

8 years ago...

As you well know, 8 years ago today, September 11th 2001, 4 hijacked planes were used by terrorists to attack the USA. Over 3,000 people were killed and the twin towers of the World Trade Center were destroyed.

The USA will hold a memorial today to remember the people lost and remind the World that violence, of any kind, is not the answer to solve any problems, issues or conflicts. Rather than going on about the why's and the because's of this situation as that as been done, and will continue to be so, by politicians and media in general, I will talk today about that day in my life.

This day has soon became a "where were you?" type of day, like the Moon landings, JFK assassination and Princess Di's death. So where was I? That morning I woke up, and put on my suit to go for an Interview later in the morning.

I left the interview on a high, because it had gone really well and the company said straight away they wanted me to go for a second interview on the following Monday in Paris. So I left the interview, phoned the agency that got me the interview to report back. Got in the car and put the radio on, whilst I was about to dial my Girlfriend's number to let her know how it went.

And there it came on, the breaking news saying that a plane had just crashed into the first tower of the World Trade Center and no one really knew what was happening. The reporter actually said they didn't knew if it was a human error, only a couple minutes later someone said it might be a terrorist attack.

I sat there in silence just listening to it all. After a few minutes called my Girlfriend, she was in a Beauty training course, and she didn't believed me at first and then said that someone burst into the room saying the same thing. She, the remaining trainees and the teacher put the television on. I drove home.

As soon as I got home, put the television on, and saw it live happening again. Surely it is a repeat of the plane crashing, but no, it was the second one. My heart fell through the whole of my body and remember feeling really sad, disappointed and even angry.

The day progressed with loads of phone calls with friends and family, the agency calling me back about my trip next Monday and if I still wanted to go and so on. Went and picked up my girlfriend and I really remember how sad we were and even though no one we actually knew had died or been affected by it, I somewhat felt it personally.

It was a really weird day because through out everyone was so gloomy and sad. I remember not knowing what to do or what to say as it was so weird and even uncomfortable to even talk about it. That day the news channels were on the whole time in our house and I remember holding my girlfriend tight and we both just cried with all the emotions felt.

Even though everyone was already discussing the terrorists and why they did it all, and what the USA and the World were going to do about it, I know that I wasn't really interested in all of that I was just sad.

I don't know what every other individual took from that day. I personally took that violence, and terrorism, doesn't really solve anything and in the greater scheme of things, any such actions were an attack on a Government, but ultimately who suffered were the Individuals that were there that day or were directly connected to those there.

In this day of remembrance, my thoughts do go for those that suffered deeply with all those events.

And that was my September 11th 2001 day. I ended up going for the 2nd interview the week after. Manchester Airport was weary and even scary, with a atmosphere of distrust. The plane was delayed almost 4 hours and you could see every single passenger examining every single other person there.

Well, even though today is one of "where were you?" days, I hope you have a beautiful and happy day.

Speak soon,

Paulo

10th September 1992

Today is a very special day for me. A celebration day even. That is because 17 years ago, on the 10th of September 1992, me and 11 other Portuguese guys and girls, arrived at Manchester Airport to embark on a new experience and life. In fact it was a day that changed my life, even if I wasn't completely aware of how important that day was at the time.

The first group!

I came full of hopes and dreams, like many do when going to a foreign country. Funnily enough I wasn't scared, well I was a bit apprehensive, but I was more excited than anything else. You see, one of my biggest dreams when I was growing up was to go and study abroad and now I had the chance of doing it so.

As I grew older, I stopped dreaming about going abroad as circumstances changed in my life and my parents lives that I thought I would never be able to do it. But I never stopped focusing on it really. In a way I was using the law of attraction without even knowing that I was or what it was. Then it came the time to start applying for Universities back home.

I had excellent grades and did a good entry exam, the old PGA (Prova Geral de Accesso) which was a exam that all students had to do as part of their application process. Unfortunately for me despite all my results I failed to secure a place in my preferred Universities by 0.01%! I was devastated and really disappointed with myself and with the whole system as well.

So decided to re-do my 12th Grade (equivalent to A levels I suppose) and cracked on with trying to further improve my grades. Was a weird year if I'm honest, as I always felt like this was something I didn't want to do and that something was missing.

Then one day, whilst reading the Public (Portuguese Newspaper), my Mum came across an advert from Bolton Institute, saying that they were looking to interview EU Students with the purpose of offering them places to come to study at the Institute. At the time they were already striving to gain University status and to do that they had to have a certain quota of EU students.

I went to the British Embassy in Lisbon for the interview and ended up being offered a place. Then a couple months later I was in England. It is funny how the "failure" of securing a place in the University in Portugal ended up being a blessing in disguise! That actually proved to me that dreams do come true!!!

(Me and my 1st 3 Housemates - Marco, Luis & João)

And so it is 17 years later, after a lot of things happened in my life, both good and bad, although all beneficial to my development as a person, I am still in England, happy for being here and looking forward to the next 17 years of my life. Will I be living in England in 17 years time? Well I know where I am planning to be in the next 17 years and know that with hard work I will get there but for the time being those plans are, let's say, confidential...

One final thing...

When I was saying goodbye to my parents in Lisbon Airport, after hugging everyone, my Mum came to me, gave me a big hug and whispered in my ear "You are not coming back to Portugal, are you?", to which I said straight away I would come on holidays, "That is not what I mean and you know it" said her...

Well, I am off celebrating my special day...

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

How to find happiness

Do you know what my biggest quest in life is? To be happy! In fact I believe that every single person out there wants the exact same thing, to be happy. But what I want is different from what you want, so how can we all pursue the same thing in life, but we all want different things?

Well, we are all individuals...

Even though we are all humans and of the same race, we are also all different. We all have different ideals and different objectives in life. We all think, at least, slightly different from each other. No two persons in the World are exactly the same, even identical twins are not completely identical, so why would we all want the same happiness as each other?

Also every day it changes...

Also what makes you happy today, might, and probably will, be different from what makes you happy tomorrow. Its a bit like you and 99 other people going for dinner at a restaurant. Imagine for a moment that this restaurant, is a different type of restaurant than any other you have ever been to. In this restaurant there is no menu, you simply order what you really, really feel like eating.

You order what makes you happy...

You sit down and the waiter comes to you and asks what you want. As there is no menu, what are the odds that two individuals will order the exact same meal? I would venture that it would be impossible! Probably you and your partner, or you and your children, will have something very similar, but there will be differences between the two dishes, even if is just seasoning! Go on just ask the person next to you now, or when you see someone later, what meal would they order now that would make them happy. I bet that it will not be exactly the same as yours.

Tomorrow you go to the same restaurant...

And you are going to order food again, but you want to eat something different. You don't feel like having the exacr same meal again, two days in a row. The first meal made you happy one day, but in the next you want something else. We all define happiness differently from everyone else and every day that definition will be slightly different as well, as you evolved and are no longer the same person as you were yesterday. So how can you find your happiness?

Well, listen to your feelings...

The only way you have to "judge" your happiness is to "be in touch" with your emotions. Listen to your feelings, to what your heart is telling you. Whether it is in your relationship, your friendships, your job, or any single decision you make in your life if you listen to what is inside you then you are always being happy.

Listen to your inner voice

When in doubt listen to your own inner voice that guides you to always be true to yourself. Don't do things to please others if it doesn't please you. If you do you will end up resenting that person and more importantly resent yourself. No matter how hard or difficult that may be always be true to your emotions, beliefs and values.

Watch out for your limiting beliefs!

A lot of people have a hard time accepting that they can be happy and that they indeed deserve to be happy! They have self sabotaged themselves all their lives by telling themselves that they don't deserve to be happy, so they never attain the level of happiness that they wish for. When the cycle is completed, their self-prophecy of not deserving to be happy is proven right and they fall even deeper into that trap.

Accept that you deserve to be happy!

You need to start accepting that you deserve all the happiness in the World! Accept that whatever happiness comes your way as result of your hard work, talent, sweat and (sometimes) tears is rightly yours. Learn to love and respect yourself. The more you do that the more deserving you feel of receiving and the happier you will be.

Sometimes its not possible to always do what makes me happy

I know that is true. Sometimes you have to do things that don't necessary make you happy whilst doing it. We all have had summer jobs or jobs whilst at University or College that didn't provide a great deal of happiness whilst doing it. I know I had some jobs that bored me to sleep, but the rewards I was able to reap from that hard work made it all worthwhile and contributed to my happiness . Just remember the fairytale, once in a while you may have to kiss a frog in order to get your prince or princess!

If you are happy, everything is always great

If you feel happy, the World is a better place, you will notice every little detail that makes you smile. By making being happy your main objective in life you enable yourself to be happy! Sometimes we tend to put others happiness ahead of ours. You probably did it with your partner or your kids, but if you are not happy in the first place why do you think they will be if you have put their happiness ahead of yours?

Put your mask on before you help others

Remember the safety instructions in planes, where they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others? Well do the same with your happiness. Be happy first, because if you are then you will be able to "help" others do the same. Make sure you do things that make you happy or are a stepping stone in the direction of your happiness.

Ask yourself...

Is all that I do today making me happy or a step in the direction of happiness? If the answer yes then congratulations, if the answer is no, then you need to seriously make some changes for your own sake and, you guessed it, happiness!!!

Hope you have a happy wonderful day!

Speak soon,

Paulo