“R-E-S-P-E-C-T; Find out what it means to me”

I’m sure you remember the song! Aretha Franklin had a huge success with it and it was a hit all over the world. What does respect mean to you? Aretha was asking for a little bit of respect from her man when he gets home. Now, far from me to comment on whether she had the right idea or not, so here it goes my two pence about respect!

According to the dictionary, respect is defined as:

"to show high or special regard or an act of giving particular attention."

Is that what it means to you? Well I agree with the definition from the dictionary but, in order for us to be able to respect others, we first must respect ourselves.

Day after day, we complain about others disrespecting us or not being proper either in their comments or in their actions, but we ultimately forget about ourselves. If we have self respect, then it is my view that others cannot disrespect us. If I respect myself first and foremost I will not put myself in a position that others can disrespect me.

Respect is earned...

I do agree with the common saying that people have to earn our respect from us, and yes respect is earned. And if you respect yourself and if the other person respects her or himself then the process of mutual respect is very straightforward.

The problem occurs when one or the two people don’t have any self respect, and when they don’t it is difficult for mutual respect to occur. Before you demand respect from others or expect others to earn your respect, you MUST develop your own Self-Respect!

“He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow”

How to develop self-respect?

Be true to yourself! Find out who you are deep down in the core. Recognise your flaws and weaknesses and work on them. Look at your strengths and develop them further. Enjoy life. Do fun activities and better yourself at all times, and above all do things that you feel like doing.

I know sometimes is difficult

But, you need to learn how to put yourself first. You can never develop self respect if you put the interests and wellbeing of others above you. I am guilty of that in the past and by doing that I ended up being miserable and always “bending over backwards” to keep the peace.

Do you know what that gave me?

It gave me a very low opinion of myself and, ironically, the people that I did everything for lost their respect for me! Only when I started to think about myself first and accounting for my needs first and then, and only then, dealing with the others needs I developed my self-respect further.

How did I did it?

I started doing stuff I wanted to do, experiencing new things, being happy. My confidence went sky high and I can honestly say I felt great once more. Now, I am not saying that you will stop doing things for others altogether, not at all. It might even be quite the opposite. What I am saying is that you only do things for others if you really want to do it!

Do stuff YOU want to do!

If you are asked to do something that you don’t feel like doing, don’t just do it “to keep the peace” as eventually the peace will be transformed into war. Just be confident, have self-respect and simply say you don’t feel like doing. You might say that is difficult to do that or you will end up not doing anything together with your partner or your kids or friends.

Re-Evaluate your relationships...

Now I doubt very much that you will not want to do things with your kids, as they are your kids, by all means don’t give in to all their demands or they too will lose their respect for you. If you cannot honestly have things in common to do with your partner, and everything you currently do with him/her is out of “having to do it” then I’m afraid you probably should re-evaluate your relationship altogether!

Same with friends! If you and your friends don’t have anything to do that you want to and enjoy doing, then find new friends!!Don’t waste your life doing what you don’t feel like doing. Develop your self-respect, love yourself, be happy and enjoy life!

Have a brilliant day,

Speak soon,

Paulo

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