What I Learned From My Grandfather

I have been thinking about writing this post for a while now. He was one of my heroes, I loved him to bits and he was one of my best friends in the World. He passed away almost 15 years ago already but I still think of him a lot.

Throughout his life, like all of us, he made mistakes and even said or acted badly or out of turn, but he was always capable of recognising his mistakes and amending them when he could. I admired a lot of things about him, and learned a lot from him. Today I thought I would pay praise to him and share with you some of these learnings.

Do you want respect, then earn that respect...

He always told me that if you want people to respect you for who you are then you first have to earn that respect. How do you do that? By beeing yourself at all times and by making sure you respect who you are. If you don't respect yourself how can you expect others to respect you?

He was of the opinion that no matter what your status in society was, if you wanted his respect you would have to earn it and prove to him that you would be worthy of it. He once told me that just because he was my Grandfather that wasn't an excuse for him not to earn my respect from him. Funny to hear this from someone that I idolised but in more then one occasion he proved that concept to me. He also told me...

Respecting someone doesn't mean you agree with them...

Looking back this teaching was a sour one for both me and my Grandfather. He had told me in the past that disagreeing with another person was natural and if you always kept each others respect then the disagreement would eventually turn out to be positive for the relationship.

A few years before his death me and my Grandfather had a big disagreement that even threathened our relationship. The reason why it didn't was because we respected each other above all others and were able to see the points we were both making and eventually "made up". Our relationship became stronger than ever before from that point onwards.

Always dress to impress... yourself!

From my first memory of him up to the last one, he always looked extremely smart and well dressed. His hair was always impecably taken care off and his nails expertly cleaned and tidy. He never dressed to impressed the World outside, he had no need to do that because he only wanted to impress himself.

Even around the house well after his retirement, his clothes were nicely colour coordinated, pressed and neatly presented. To his last day he combed his hair with "brilhantina" and had his silk scarf on his neck. No point in trying to impress others if you are not impressed with yourself.

Some might call it vanity, I call it pride...

This is a story my Mum told many times and I often tell it too. My Grandfather used to work as a tailor, so he always looked impeccably dressed at all times. On his way to and from work he had to cross a field that often was dirty or even muddy.

So every day without fail, either on way to work or home, my Grandfather proceeded to walk through the field, and on reaching the other side, he would remove his handkerchief and would thoroughly clean his shoes from any dirt and mud ensuring they looked clean and polished and off he went on his way.

Some people might say that it was very vain of him to do that, but for me was pride, pride on his appearance and, most importantly, pride on himself. He was also a role model on how men dressed, on account of his job, so if his attire was not perfect why would anyone buy from him?

Hard work pays up in the end...

I have never believed in easy work for easy pay. A lot of people out there wants you to believe that it is easy to achieve your goals, but it always involves hard work from your part. I also believe that, at least in part, that belief of mine comes from him.

You can achieve anything you set your heart upon but you always have to be prepared to put the effort in. Once you do that it will pay handsomely in the end! You are responsible for your dream! Dream big, act big and reality will be big...

I could go on...

And tell you more of his learnings... Someday I might add a few more, or maybe not. Today I just felt it was time to pay homage to a great man, that I miss dearly and I loved throughout my life and still do, in the hope that some of his "teachings" could of assistance to you as well.

As always comments are appreciated.

Speak soon,

Paulo

Law of Attraction - Part 3

Now that we discussed what the Law of Attraction really is and we found out the one missing ingredient was, how do we actually go about applying it?

Well, it is rather simple but it does require a great deal of belief in you as well as in your overall beliefs. For the purpose of explaining it better, we shall use as an example something that many people will like to achieve one day or class as one of their goals.

Millionaire status...

Let's assume for a bit that you want to be a millionaire. Cool, you want to be a millionaire, so you have already completed step 1 of the Law of Attraction, know what you want. The next step is to ask for it, visualise you already have it and that is it, just sit back, relax and will finally will come to you, right?

Well...

Wrong!!! In fact, if you paid attention to what I wrote in my last two posts, the sure fire thing to happen if you do exactly as above is that after a while you will think that this Law of Attraction is total BS and doesn't work and you will give up. Well I have news for you, off course it will not work and off course you will think is total BS, mainly because you have asked for something and you have done nothing to achieve it!

This is what you should do instead...

You want to be a Millionaire! Ok, now lets be more specific and how much of a millionaire you want to be. Like when setting a goal we need to specify exactly what it is you want. So to make things simple, let's assume you want to have £1M in your bank account. Know you know what you want and that is £1M in your bank account.

Second step...

Now that you know what you want, you ask for it. Ask the universe that you want £1M in your bank account. Simple, hey? Well, you actually have to believe that you can get £1M in your bank account, so you need to focus on your values about money and strengthen them as well as removing all negative ones from your psyche.

You want One Million Pounds...

But it is your belief that only "dodgy" people get rich or win the lottery or indeed good honest people can not become millionaires through hard work. If this is you then you are already sabotaging yourself before you even started. If you believe in all that, then you will never get it, because, you get what you ask for and what you believe. You need to work on your values and beliefs before you ask the universe for something that you don't believe in. This is something you can do on your own, although it might take a long time, or you can get a coach or mentor, like myself, to help you on it.

You now believe that you can get it...

It is now time to visualise yourself with £1M in your bank account. Visualisation is a very strong tool in this process. You need to see your life like you already have that money. Imagine what would you do in your normal day with your goal already achieved. See, hear, smell, feel your new life. All the places you have visited and all the items you have bought. Visualise it all until you are certain that it is really true and here!

And now... Do something about it...

Take action on it. Don't sit back and wait. With all the beliefs and visualisation work you have done, your subconscious knows that you already capable of having it. So you are now more open to new opportunities that come your way and you will be more alert to act on it. The more actions you take towards it the sooner it will come to you.

Be grateful...

Be grateful for all that you, in your head, already received. Be charitable to others as you are in a position to do it and also teach others how to get where you got. Now you must, detach yourself from the outcome.

This is seems to be the hardest part of it all...

By detaching yourself from the outcome, you are not placing a life or death status to you achieving the outcome itself. By detaching yourself, you are in fact saying that this is something you want and are willing to go for it and for it to take as long as required to achieve it. It will not rule your life and that your happiness and satisfaction in life is not solely dependent upon achieving. You are telling the "universe" that you will have a good life whatever the outcome. Achieving it will add to your life, rather than make your life!

And there it is, the Law of Attraction explained...

For the sake of this example I used money, but you can apply the LOA to any part of your life. New job, new girlfriend, new house, whatever it is if you can ask for it you will receive it... provided you act on it!

What you waiting for?

Go on! Go and apply the LOA in your life. Don't just read about it and forget it. Apply it and see it working for you. If you doubt it from the very beginning then unless you do some work on your values and beliefs, then you will fail. So believe in it and go for it.

It has worked for me, and still does...

Many times throughout my life, most of the times without knowing, I have applied the Law of Attraction to many areas of my life and have been very successful and happy with the results and will continue to apply it.

Hope you found this useful and interesting. As usual comments are welcomed and appreciated and please do let me know of your successes using the LOA in your life!

Have a brilliant day.

Speak soon,

Paulo

Law of Attraction - Part 2

On my previous post we discussed the Law of Attraction and what it meant and how was interpreted. If you missed it head over here to read it – http://reigniteyourlife.blogspot.com/2009/07/law-of-attraction-part-1.html.

Today we are going to talk about the missing ingredient of the Law of Attraction that makes all the difference in how to apply it and to make it work for you. The movie “The Secret” did a really good job in opening up the law of attraction to the World out there, but, unfortunately neglected to mention one very important and crucial part of it.

Many people are now applying the Law of Attraction in their daily lives, unfortunately most seem to fail to get the results desired. How do I know this? Well the main question that I seem to be getting from friends and clients, and indeed one of the main questions floating around the internet is “How long to I have to wait for the results to manifest?”.

That question poses two problems.

The first one is the fact that if you are indeed asking that, then your belief regarding the actual success of your “request” is weak to say the least, and that you believe that actually getting your desires is not dependent on you but on some external sources. And secondly, perhaps most importantly, you failed to really understand the Law of Attraction.

See when you ask when the results appear

It means that you haven’t done anything about getting those results. The missing ingredient that wasn’t mentioned or taught in The Secret is Action! You need to take action. That is the only way the Law of Attraction can work for you. If you want a new better paid job, then you need to start searching for one and apply for the ones you would like to have. If you want a new girlfriend you will not find her in your empty living room whilst you are sat doing nothing.

Basically no-one has become successful in any of their endeavours by being a lazy lay about doing nothing. They took action and they went after what they wanted. You need to take action. It might take one day, it might take one year, who knows, but the sooner you take action the sooner you will get your desires!

Going back to the Law of Attraction summary from last time and adding in the missing component this is what the Law of Attraction should look like:

1. Know what you want.

2. Ask for it.

3. Visualise that you have it already.

4. Take Action - Most important step!!

5. Receive, be grateful and detach yourself from the outcome.

Well, that is it for today. Next time I will go into more detail on how to apply the law of attraction in your life to get the best results for your goals.

Have a brilliant day

Speak soon,

Paulo

Law of Attraction – Part 1

I’m sure you have heard all about the Law of Attraction in the last few years, probably because you have seen, or heard about, the movie “The Secret” or maybe from blogs, or other publications, like mine. So today I thought I would discuss and present the Law of Attraction to you. As a lot can be said about it I have decided to do three different posts about it.

Part 1, I will discuss what the LOA (Law of Attraction) is. In part 2 I will discuss the bit about the LOA that wasn’t mentioned in the movie “The Secret” that might be the most important teaching of all! Finally Part 3 is how to apply the LOA in your life! So do stick around and as usual, feel free to add your comments below on this and any other subjects.

What is the Law of Attraction?

There are many definitions of the Law of Attraction out there, as each person can interpret it in their own way, I wouldn’t they, in the end of the day we are all individuals. So this is my own personal definition of it, based in many concepts and in by no means this is the final and only definition of it.

My definition of the Law of Attraction

“Whatever you desire and want for your life, you can get it all from the Universe if you really want it, believe it, ask for it and act on it!”

Other Definitions

A more simplistic approach to it as been widely coined as “What you are you become” or “What you desire you attract”. One of my favourite quotes comes from Wayne Dyer “I’ll see it when I believe it!”. In complete contrast to the traditional quote “I’ll believe it when I see it” but for Wayne in order for you to be able to see something in front of you, you need to really believe in it first!

Before “The Secret” made the LOA widely popular, a lot of other people were already talking about it and even taught the Law of Attraction at seminars and workshops. In fact every teaching and works of all the most popular self development people out there has foundations on the LOA.

One of my favourite authors, Napoleon Hill, wrote in his best seller book, “Think and Grow Rich” that we need to control our own thoughts in order to achieve success in our life. He never actually mentions the Law of Attraction directly, but many feel, me included, that the secret he mentions in every single chapter of the book is indeed the Law of Attraction. By the way if you never read it, I highly recommend it as it is an excellent and fascinating read.

Positive thoughts, Positive Outcomes

Basically by you being in control of your thoughts and having positive thoughts about your life and what you want from it, you will attract all that into your life. If you continue having negative thoughts then that is what will come into life instead. This is something that many people have trouble with as it is not very easy to always think positive and is a item that has gotten much criticism as well.

Criticism of the LOA teachings

The critics state that, if something negative happens in your life, and you follow the Law of Attraction, then you will blame yourself for it, and, again according to critics, sometimes it wasn’t your fault at all. Off course if we start blaming ourselves because there is traffic in the motorway because of an accident and we end up late for a meeting then is illogical that we would blame ourselves for that.

Who is responsible?

On the other hand if you having problems at work with your boss, for example, is it illogical to assume that some of those issues might have stemmed from some of your actions and if you improve your actions things will be better all round? All of this is open to debate and my post today is not about making you believe or not in the Law of Attraction. It is simply to let you know a bit more about what it is.

In summary the Law of Attraction states:
1. Know what you want.
2. Ask for it.
3. Visualise that you have it already.
4. Receive, be grateful and detach yourself from the outcome.

In part two of the Law of Attraction posts I shall uncover the most important step of the Law of Attraction that the movie “The Secret” hasn’t discussed and led to some of the high profile self development gurus to ask to be removed from the final cut of the movie.

Until then, have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

Should you ignore your failures?

Following from my last post regarding the impact of self-help on people with low self esteem I thought I would discuss the impact of negativity in our lives. There is a lot of information out there regarding how to improve your life and to think positive thoughts to improve your life. Hence the "need" for researchers to attempt to disprove the industry as of any real help.

Putting that study aside

I will not discuss the study once more as it has already been done, what I will do today is to look at the role of negativity in your life and how you can best use it to improve your life. As a general rule we are told to always have positive thoughts as, when you are positive you will attract good and positive things into your life.

And as much as that is true

I know it and you know it that there are always negative things happening in the World every day and sometimes, unfortunately, these happen to us at a personal level as well. In those times it is very difficult to stay positive. So should we ignore it completely and only focus on the positive aspects of your life or should we acknowledge them for what they are?

Failure is important

Well, Human Behavioural Specialist, Dr John F Demartini, reckons that "negative feedback is equally important to positive feedback in helping you achieve success in all areas of your life". In other words we need both positive and negatives to actually grow as while one supports us the other one actually challenges us.

"Learn from your mistakes"

It is how you deal with negativity that is the important part of the equation. If you look at the lives of most multi-millionaires in the World, the vast majority of them were bankrupt at one point or another of their lives. All the World Record holder athletes had losing races or competitions. Tiger Woods doesn't win every single open he plays in and even the greatest tennis player of all time, Roger Federer, went through a bad patch last year that made him lose the number one spot on the ATP tour.

You only fail when you fail to learn

What all these people have in common is that they accepted the failures they had, analysed them to understand where they went wrong, learned a different way to do it (or avoided the wrong way), and eventually succeeded again. You should do the same. If you have failed at something, whatever that was, look at your role in it. Admit your mistakes. Realise what should you have done differently and then apply those learnings to your next endeavour.

By learning from your mistakes, you grow as a person

In order for you to grow as a person and become someone of self-mastery, you must embrace both sides of the coin. As Demartini says "We must embrace the vision we hold, knowing there will be people who like and people who dislike that vision. In life you will have challenges. That is what will make you stronger".

Next time you receive negative feedback or fail, please take that on board, learn from it and use it to make yourself and stronger, healthier and more focussed individual.

Speak to you very soon,

Paulo

Is Self-Help Negative to You????

Weird question for my blog, don't you think? Well it suits what I wanted to talk about it today. I don't know if you have seen it in the news yesterday or on the internet, but a group of Canadian researchers, found that "turning to self-help mantras to boost your spirits may have the opposite effect".

What have they found...

They found that "those with low self-esteem actually felt worst after repeating positive statements about themselves". Apparently saying "I am a loveable person" only worked with people which already had high self esteem.

And...

"The researchers, from the University of Waterloo and the University of New Brunswick, asked people with high and low self-esteem to say "I am a lovable person." They then measured the participants' moods and their feelings about themselves.In the low self-esteem group, those who repeated the mantra felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not. However people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive self-statement - but only slightly."

And you know what?

I completely understand those findings and am pretty sure that if I conducted a similar study the results would be the same. Why? Because what those researchers neglected to do was the whole essence of self-help:

You will only change when you are ready to change!

What the researchers did was simply ask people to repeat phrases. If you are feeling low about yourself and someone tells you to do this because it will make you feel better, it will not necessarily make you feel better unless you are allowing it to do so. People who buy self-help books, or go and see a coach or a mentor, and go to seminars or retreats, have already made the decision to change and are embracing the help that is going to be given to them.

They have pre-disposed themselves to change.

That is the fundamental rule or law of self-help or "external" help, you must want that change to happen. Someone telling you to do something is not self help, is instead an order. They would have made better use of the research grant they got, by going to coaches clients and ask for testimonials, go to a seminar and ask participants how they felt before and after the seminar, or indeed trail the internet for all the websites with unsolicited testimonials of clients to coaches from all over the World.

Don't let this put you off...

If you are ready to make a change in your life and you are seeking help, don't let this study put you off. You have reached that stage that you are about to take action so do it, buy a book, go and see a coach, go to a seminar, whatever you do, if you are ready for it, you will succeed. Change is possible and you can achieve it if you really want it! I will not lie to you and say change is easy, because it is not, but change is possible if you really want that change to happen.

Here's to your success,

Paulo

Motivation and Social Support

I just had a wow moment! Something just clicked in my mind, about one of my goals and I owe it all to a conversation that I just had. I was speaking with a wonderful lady that is very special to me, and some of the stuff she said, were not only right as well as hit the nail on the head. I even felt a new lease of life, regarding this goal, that I wasn't expecting. I am not going into detail what exactly was said, but it helped me realise that in the last couple of weeks I had neglected two very important things.

So what was missing then?

Basically, as every one in the world, even coaches, like me, have their off days, or self doubt days. We all have been there, something doesn't quite work out the way you wanted it or planned it and you feel slightly depressed, then it starts raining, or the dog chewes the cables of your computer and you start thinking what next?

Well, I was in such a place...

For several reasons I visited that place recently. Luckily I am in a position where I am aware of the techniques and tools to use to get me back into a happier place. There are many techniques you can use to pull you back in to the right direction, and I have used them all, but I was still not quite there until tonight's conversation.

There were two pieces missing...

That was it, I had overlooked two things that made all the difference. The first one comes from within and is Motivation! I had somehow forgotten what my motivation was to do all that I am doing. Yes my goal is set and it is something I really want to achieve. I have several milestones to achieve along the way, I have my Life Purpose statement that really defines who I am and what I want to achieve in life, but the motivation for it all had escaped me.

How can you find your "missing" motivation?

Well, ask yourself "What, how, why, where, when" type of questions.
- Why do I want this goal?
- What will this goal bring me if I achieve it?
- Where am I going to find the resources to help me achieve this goal?
- How am I going to find the solutions to the current problems that I am facing?
- When am I going to solve the present problem?
By asking all these questions, and ask as many as you want or need, you eventually will find the motivation that got you to write the goal in the first place!

But, there is another way!

The other way to find that "missing" motivation is the second resource that I didn't fully utilise to get me back on track, and that is Social Support! Social support, does not necessarily mean a big group of people, it can be just one person. With me it was! We all need someone that believes in you, has full trust in your capabilities and will support you in your goals and quests through life. Someone that will tell you as it is and will be fully and completely honest with you.

Who can this person be?

Well in my case she is a very special lady, that means the World to me, but it can be anyone that you trust and respect. It can be your Mum or your Dad, Brother or Sister, Husband or Wife, Partner or best friend, or even your Boss. As long as it fits all the criteria above, and that you both are completely honest with each other then that support will help you on your times of need.

Why is Social Support so important?

Human beings are social beings. We literally feed on other people's emotions, values and beliefs. We like to belong! We have group of friends, we support football teams, support political parties, unions at work, etc. Belonging to such grups, helps as feel that we are not alone! So whatever your goal is, you need a support network to help you succeed. You might need a Coach or a Mentor as well, but having someone there that understands you, believes in you and in your goal, or even has a similar goal to you, will make a big difference.

So, have you got your support network in place?

So, my question to you is have you got your social support in place? Whatever your goal is I am sure you can find someone close to you to be your social support. If your goal is setting up your business, look within your network for someone that has done it before. If it is losing weight or getting your 6-pack for holidays, you can find a gym to join or a internet forum for support. If you are studying for a qualification of any kind, anyone else that is in the same group can help or someone that already has done it in the past. Whatever your goal is, I am sure you will be able to find someone in your current network that can be your support. If not, then you have a fantastic opportunity to make new friends!

Final words...

It is important that you do it yourself, and for that you need to find the motivation to do it, but having someone helping you once in a while, will not only save you time, but also make it more enjoyable and easier for you to achieve your goal.

Hope my own experience helped you in anyway today. Have a wonderful day, and as usual if you have any comments, leave them below.

Paulo