Reflections...

It’s my birthday tomorrow... 36 years old! I have been thinking for a few weeks about writing a blog post about it and just put some reflections out there. I have to admit it is not an original idea. Simon Cowell recently celebrated his 50^th birthday and wrote a public letter to his younger self.

Now I am not going to do the same, don’t think that I have reached that stage of my life yet where I need to give “advice” or “encouragement” to my younger self, but felt the need to do some kind of inward reflection.

Probably need is not the right word, but it stands for now as I cannot really decide on what that word is going to be. So, tomorrow, Sunday 18^th of October 2009 is my 36^th birthday. I never have been one to feel age as something detrimental or scary. Also never been one to wish that I was 18 again or go back in time to change this or that.

Throughout my life I have had many successes, some failures, made some fantastic decisions and some appalling ones. Made many mistakes, some silly and negligible, others more serious and dramatic. But, and this is a big but, I don’t really regret any of those mistakes, no matter what they were...

You see, the person I am today is a direct result of all the good things and bad things that happened to me or that I have done. Some bad things were done to me and that left me really upset, sometimes depressed and even almost destroyed, but, I have always came back fighting and smiling.

Around this time last year it finally daunted on me that I needed to make radical changes. Not only in my professional life but also in my personal life. I am not going to say that Coaching saved my life, because it hasn’t, as with all the advice and guidance I give to let you know that all change is down to you, the same applies to me.

I made all the changes, and dealt with them all, but the fact is as time went on I took a greater interest in Coaching and started, coaching others, and applying the same principles, tools and techniques to my own life in order to achieve the objective I set myself to achieve and apply the change required.

I consider myself an extremely lucky person. You see I “work” doing what I love and that is a special gift that anyone and everyone should enjoy. And this is only possible because I made a decision to radically change my life and follow my dream.

Yes it was scary, difficult and at times daunting, but this is something that I really wanted and all the sacrifices and obstacles that have come my way were in a way, worth it. Things are much better today than they were 6 months ago and they will phenomenally better in 6 months time! That I know for sure!

In the last 12 months, I have left a highly paid job, that gave me the company car and a nice financial and stable life, but I felt miserable, undervalued and, in a way, taken for a ride. So when the opportunity came, due to financial difficulties of the company, I accepted early redundancy and left.

I finished my qualifications in Coaching and NLP and was ready to take in the World. Along the way made some poor decisions in people to follow and listen to, but also found some amazing people that gave me advice, guidance and mentored me towards my success.

I now have an established number of clients about to launch my website with my free report to help others and am currently finishing writing my first book. I have days where I work 18 hours solid, and I am happy for it, because I truly believe in what I do and I absolutely love what I do.

I have an outstanding group of friends and family around me that love, respect and admire me and are there for me whenever I need some help, support or guidance and they know they can count on me come what may.

Yes I am single again. A few months ago I had thought I had found the Woman that was going to be my life partner. Sadly it was meant to be and the relationship ended before it had a chance to really begin and develop. I wish it hadn’t finished but it is one of those situations out of my control, and like I said I live a life of no regrets. The future with her could have been amazing, but life does go on!

I will not lie to you, some days are difficult, others less so, but when you live the life you are suppose to live, nothing is impossible and there is no such thing as an unsolvable problem!

So, what does my life has in store for me for the next twelve months? Well have plenty of business projects to keep me occupied and dreaming and acting big. Have a solid group of people around me, both in business as well as personal terms, that will allow me to reach all my goals.

Will I reach my goals in the next twelve months? Well I do know that if I continue to apply myself hard and do all that I am capable off I will achieve many of my goals and realise a few dreams.

I will wake up every day happy and grateful for where I am and who I am. You know, when I am happy and grateful I feel free to follow my dreams and be successful in life. When I am free and successful it means that I am following my Life’s Purpose and living life to the full.

When I am living to my purpose I am happy and grateful!!!! See it goes full circle and it is a self fulfilling prophecy! When you wake up happy and grateful because you are living you purpose, the universe, has a way of giving it back to you and to me it has and will continue to do so!

Reflections over, many more things probably left to say, but not necessarily today. Time to go and relax for a bit and then have a shower and get dressed and meet up with my friends and go and enjoy an amazing night in Manchester to celebrate my birthday!

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

x

Eyes... Window to the soul?

I have always been fascinated by eyes! It is one of the first things I check when I meet someone new. Not only because of how insanely beautiful eyes are but also because I truly believe you can learn a lot by looking at someone’s eyes and into their eyes...

"Eyes never lie"

No matter how much you try, your eyes will never lie and sometimes will betray what your mouth or your actions are saying. When you look into someone's eyes directly you can see so much more than it can be said or expressed in words...

I bet it happened to you...

You look at someone’s eyes, maybe your partner, and immediately you know what they are thinking or feeling at that time. Even recently, my ex girlfriend, told me that when she kissed me she could see in my eyes how much I loved her...

Your emotions “shine” through your eyes...

Whatever you are feeling, even if you hide it physically, there is no way that you can hide it in your eyes. You can see when someone is happy and their eyes are positively smiling or when someone is miserable and it seems like their eyes are dead...

Even Scientists agree...

In a recent 2007 study, a psychology student from the Örebro University in Sweden linked iris patterns to personality traits. He photographed 428 volunteers' eyes and did a standard personality test to the volunteers.

After studying the lines radiating from the pupil (crypts) and the circular lines curving around the outer edge of the iris (furrows) he found that a low frequency of crypts was associated with tender-mindedness . warmth, trust and positive emotions, whereas more distinct and extended furrows were associated with impulsiveness.

Flirting eyes...

Eyes are also a very powerful “tool” in body language to interact with others. Flirting is one of the most used ways to attract someone of the opposite sex and your eyes play a big part on this.Women, in general, know how powerful a flirtatious look with a sensual smile can be in getting men's interest. Men in general although not as versed in flirting, off course there are exceptions, do select their partners in part due to her eyes...

Eyes & offspring’s...

You see, even if you are not planning in having kids, or more kids, when “searching” for a partner, subconsciously the selection is still based in that primordial need of procreation. And bright, white areas in a woman's eyes plus long, thick eye lashes are excellent indicators of female good health, thus they are more likely to have healthy offspring.

Flirt away and show off those beautiful eyes and long eye lashes, but be warned that you can give a lot more away than you probably want to as your eyes are really the window to your soul!

If I am staring at your eyes...

So if I meet you for the first time and am staring at your eyes, yes I am admiring how beautiful they are but I am also admiring your soul...

Have a brilliant day,

Speak soon,

Paulo x

“R-E-S-P-E-C-T; Find out what it means to me”

I’m sure you remember the song! Aretha Franklin had a huge success with it and it was a hit all over the world. What does respect mean to you? Aretha was asking for a little bit of respect from her man when he gets home. Now, far from me to comment on whether she had the right idea or not, so here it goes my two pence about respect!

According to the dictionary, respect is defined as:

"to show high or special regard or an act of giving particular attention."

Is that what it means to you? Well I agree with the definition from the dictionary but, in order for us to be able to respect others, we first must respect ourselves.

Day after day, we complain about others disrespecting us or not being proper either in their comments or in their actions, but we ultimately forget about ourselves. If we have self respect, then it is my view that others cannot disrespect us. If I respect myself first and foremost I will not put myself in a position that others can disrespect me.

Respect is earned...

I do agree with the common saying that people have to earn our respect from us, and yes respect is earned. And if you respect yourself and if the other person respects her or himself then the process of mutual respect is very straightforward.

The problem occurs when one or the two people don’t have any self respect, and when they don’t it is difficult for mutual respect to occur. Before you demand respect from others or expect others to earn your respect, you MUST develop your own Self-Respect!

“He that respects himself is safe from others; he wears a coat of mail that none can pierce. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow”

How to develop self-respect?

Be true to yourself! Find out who you are deep down in the core. Recognise your flaws and weaknesses and work on them. Look at your strengths and develop them further. Enjoy life. Do fun activities and better yourself at all times, and above all do things that you feel like doing.

I know sometimes is difficult

But, you need to learn how to put yourself first. You can never develop self respect if you put the interests and wellbeing of others above you. I am guilty of that in the past and by doing that I ended up being miserable and always “bending over backwards” to keep the peace.

Do you know what that gave me?

It gave me a very low opinion of myself and, ironically, the people that I did everything for lost their respect for me! Only when I started to think about myself first and accounting for my needs first and then, and only then, dealing with the others needs I developed my self-respect further.

How did I did it?

I started doing stuff I wanted to do, experiencing new things, being happy. My confidence went sky high and I can honestly say I felt great once more. Now, I am not saying that you will stop doing things for others altogether, not at all. It might even be quite the opposite. What I am saying is that you only do things for others if you really want to do it!

Do stuff YOU want to do!

If you are asked to do something that you don’t feel like doing, don’t just do it “to keep the peace” as eventually the peace will be transformed into war. Just be confident, have self-respect and simply say you don’t feel like doing. You might say that is difficult to do that or you will end up not doing anything together with your partner or your kids or friends.

Re-Evaluate your relationships...

Now I doubt very much that you will not want to do things with your kids, as they are your kids, by all means don’t give in to all their demands or they too will lose their respect for you. If you cannot honestly have things in common to do with your partner, and everything you currently do with him/her is out of “having to do it” then I’m afraid you probably should re-evaluate your relationship altogether!

Same with friends! If you and your friends don’t have anything to do that you want to and enjoy doing, then find new friends!!Don’t waste your life doing what you don’t feel like doing. Develop your self-respect, love yourself, be happy and enjoy life!

Have a brilliant day,

Speak soon,

Paulo

x

Tattoo on Friday...

I went to have my back tattoo finished on Friday. It is all done now in my back, well I think it is anyway :-). Anyway, when I was "under the needle" so to speak, and enduring a bit of pain in the muscle areas had a couple of thoughts that I would like to share today.

First an advice...

If you do have a tattoo done, being too lean is a hindrance... The areas that hurt the most were on my traps, which are pure muscle, whilst the areas that were fine and less painful, and strangely pleasurable, were actually over the bone, which is usually an area that most people don't enjoy...

The other is to do with pain & pleasure

As you know, I firmly believe that pain and pleasure is the principle that rules all of our lives, we either spend our time avoiding pain or seeking pleasure. And it can be argued that the successful people in life are the ones that are prepared to endure the perceived potential pain of doing something because the pleasure at the end is worthwhile!

And tattoos are the perfect example

When you decide to do a tattoo, you know that there will be pain in the process, but the pleasure of having your tattoo done, is, in your eyes, worth the pain. So you endure the pain and you go for it "all guns blazing" because you truly want your pleasure at the end.

Same applies with cosmetic surgery

I haven't had cosmetic surgery but I would venture my opinion that the people that do it, do it due to the pain that they endure from whatever area they are not happy with in their bodies at that moment and because of the enormous perceived pleasure they will have about themselves once the treatment is done.

We can delve deeper into the psychologic ramifications of the process, but at a basic simple level is all about pain and pleasure. In this case there is two different kinds of pain; the one you endure at the moment from not being happy with yourself and the one from the surgery itself!

And because you want the pleasure at the end hard enough and you want to get rid of the current pain you are experiencing you will endure the surgery, the pain from it and also the pain from the recovery process to experience the pleasure of feeling better about your body!

Losing weight is in the same boat

When you embark on a "weight loss" quest, you know from the start that there will be some pain and some challenges ahead, but you persevere throughout because you really want the pleasure of having a fantastic toned body at the end. It is all about pain and pleasure and how much you really want the pleasure!

Whatever goal you have

Always remember, there will be pain along the way, there will be challenges, obstacles, problems and difficult situations, but if your goal is big enough, powerful enough and important enough to you, then you will be able to endure all that life "throws" at you and achieve your goal and enjoy the pleasure at the end!

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

x

Enjoy today!

How many times do you catch yourself thinking about what happened yesterday or last week or even last year? How many hours of your life have you spent thinking about the past? Worse even, how much time have you wasted dwelling on possible outcomes of what might happen tomorrow or next week or next year?

Can you see the underlying theme?

Time you spend dreaming about the future or thinking about the past is time you will never have back today! There is nothing wrong thinking about good times in the past or visualising your future, but if you spend most of your time concentrating on what happened or what is yet to come then you are really wasting precious minutes and hours.

Your time is precious

You will never have that time again and you should use it in the present! Today is a beautiful day and tomorrow is always tomorrow, you can never have tomorrow today so why waste most of today thinking about it? Also what happened in the past can never be re-done or re-lived.

It is so easy to let go and avoid the current day.

If you are going through a bad patch it is much easier to “cry” about the past or dread the future, but you end up losing the opportunity to do something about it all today. By all means learn from what happened in the past, but there is no need to dissect it to the extreme and waste precious moments.

Same applies with dreaming about the future...

When you will meet the perfect stranger or win the lottery or get a new job or just when things are better. Again visualising your future for a few moments a day is a positive action but if you spend all day thinking about the possible outcomes of the future instead of living in the present you are wasting today. And if you actually act on it today, then that future might soon be your present!

Enjoy today!

Enjoy today, do something today to get you closer to your goals. Be happy and grateful for what you have and act on your life. Whatever you do today if it is according to your purpose and towards your goal, no matter how small action you take it will be a positive one. Similarly the time you spend thinking about the past or the future is a time wasted that you will never have again.

There is always tomorrow, but you will never have another today!!!

Go on, go and take positive actions towards your goals and enjoy today!

Have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

x

One and Only You!

Friday's post, nice simple and straight to the point...

There is only one of you!

Stop trying to conform to the "Status Quo" and be an individual!

Enjoy!

"One And Only You

Every single blade of grass,

And every flake of snow

— Is just a wee bit different...

There’s no two alike, you know.

From something small,

like grains of sand,

To each gigantic star

All were made with THIS in mind:

To be just what they are!

How foolish then, to imitate—

How useless to pretend!

Since each of us comes from a MIND

Whose ideas never end.

There’ll only be just ONE of ME

To show what I can do

— And you should likewise feel very proud,

There’s only ONE of YOU.

That is where it all starts

With you, a wonderful

unlimited human being.

James T. Moore"

Have a brilliant day!

Enjoy your weekend.

Speak soon,

Paulo

x

Love is a Risk...

I have spent the last few days ill and without energy to do much. Feel much better today, was only a small case of flu... yes man flu J. Anyway, was watching a bit of television, whilst having my breakfast the other day and Frasier was on. In this episode he said something that stuck to my mind and I thought I would write about it today.

“Love is a risk, but a risk worth taking!”

When he said it I just thought, wow, how right are you?! He hit the nail on the head. Love is the most beautiful feeling in the world. When you are in love, the world feels a much better place and everything is just right! Most people love the feeling of love. But at the same time most people are afraid of rejection and being hurt!

Do you see the conflict in that?

One of the highest values that most of us hold is Love. It is one of my highest values as well. But afraid of rejection and being hurt is also one of the highest values, in this case negative values that most of us hold. These are two conflicting values that work against you!

You see, even though you value love, because you are afraid of getting hurt, you will end up not pursuing love altogether. It all spans from the Pain – Pleasure principle (or theory). We are either pursuing pleasure or avoiding pain, but because pain is usually perceived as something with much higher consequences on you, you tend to sooner avoid Pain than seek Pleasure.

So we start making excuses...

We make up a long list of excuses to justify why we are not going to seek the pleasure of being or finding love.” I am too busy”, or “need to concentrate on work” or even “don’t have time or place for love in my life.” Or the stronger, “it won’t work out anyway and he/she will hurt me in the end!”

But despite this avoidance of pain, you are still in pain in a way because you will never know how that relationship would have turn out and you might have missed out on... love! The question you going to have to ask yourself is, what is worst, to risk love and potentially be hurt in the end or not risk anything at all and be sure you will be always safe, but alone?

I take love anytime!

I do, and even recently I took that risk and it didn't work out in the end. But I would never regret the decisions I took and the fact that I fell in Love. I met someone truly wonderful that made me very happy. Yes it has ended, and no I am not going to tell you why it did, and yes it did hurt, but love is so wonderful that for me it is rather a case of “better to have loved and lost than not having loved at all!”

It is a risk worth taking!

It really is. You see the reason why it will always be a risk worth taking for me, is that I am always in love with the most important person in my world. Who is that person? Me! I love myself and love my life, and because I do, there is nothing that can happen in a relationship with someone else that will ever destroy my self-love.

Most people forget that.

Most people forget to put themselves first or love themselves first and then get into a relationship where they transfer their needs and requirements into someone else. If and when that relationship ends they feel miserable and distraught because they haven’t mastered their own self love and were too dependent on their partner for reassurance, respect and love.

Put your oxygen mask first

Have you ever wondered why in airplanes they advise you to put your oxygen masks first before you help your children or others? When there is a drop in oxygen in the cabin, you will immediately feel very drowsy and tired and if you waste your energy helping someone else you will put yourself in danger and then you will not be of help to anyone else.

The same applies with love and happiness

If you don’t love and respect yourself and are happy in your own skin, how can you love, respect and be happy with someone else? You can’t because you are always expecting the other person to demonstrate to you at all times all those things that you don’t see in your own self.

Love yourself, Respect yourself and be happy with yourself

When you finally reach that stage that you are fully happy and comfortable in yourself, then you will reach a state of enlightenment where your partner, children and friends, will add to it rather than be it. You can then fully commit yourself to other relationships without fearing pain, because ultimately you have yourself!

Start to love yourself fully today. Acknowledge your beauty, your wisdom, your “awesomeness”. You are truly wonderful, realise that now!!!

Hope you have a brilliant day!

Speak soon,

Paulo

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